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My wife yells from the kitchen “Do you ever get a shooting pain, like someone’s stabbing a voodoo doll?”
I answered “No” She asks “How about now?”
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Bragging to me about being with my ex wife is the same as….
Bragging about eating a sandwich I threw in the dumpster
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Wife asks me “What would you do if I were choking?”
And I say that I would pull back two inches and say I’m sorry
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For my birthday, my wife said she wanted to give me a sexy special treat…
…and she asked me which of her friends I’d like to have a threesome with. Apparently, I was only supposed to give one name and now I’m spending my birthday in the ER with a broken arm and a black eye.
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A husband on a work trip when decides to call his wife at home…
A woman the husband doesn’t recognize picks up the phone. “Who is this?” asks the husband. “I’m the maid. I was hired yesterday,” says the maid. “Ah. Could you put my wife on the phone?” asks the husband “No, she’s busy having sex with someone in the room upstairs,” replies the maid. Enraged, the husband […]
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Hey Guys…Next time you’re having an argument with your wife, start undressing.
She will instantly have a headache and then go to sleep.
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A wife gives away her husband’s huge collection of superhero items
She wanted their house to be Marvel-less
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A Husband and Wife at Custody court…
A Husband and Wife at Custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife. Judge: “Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?” Ex wife: “I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him.” Judge: “That is a simple yet good reason.” Then the judge looks towards the […]
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My petite, mathematician wife left me on our honeymoon
She asked me choose the lighter option to bring up to our second floor, stair-only, romantic lover’s suite: Our two suitcases weighing 59 pounds and 49 pounds, or her, weighing in at 107 pounds. I chose the suitcases since they were only 98 pounds. I forgot to carry the one!
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Dave asked his wife if he was the only one she’s been with.
She said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”.