Son: Dad, I want to date our neighbor.
Dad: She is your grandma. Son: So? Dad: You can’t date my mother. Son: Why not? You’re dating mine!
“What’s wrong with your peas?” a man asked his son.
“They’re too hard,” was the reply. “Let me take some from your plate and try them,” said the father. “They don’t seem that hard at all to me.” The boy replied, “That’s because those are the ones I’ve been chewing the last 10 minutes.”
My son wanted to know what it was like to be a parent
so I woke him at 2am to tell him my sock came off
Was gonna ground my son but he cried: Freedom!, kicked my leg and ran away.
It was rage against my shin.
My son asked me what dark humor was today.
I told him it was Kevin Hart when he tells a joke.
My son was very upset when he found out he was adopted.
In hindsight, “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” was probably not the best way to start that conversation.
Last night my son asked, “daddy, when will I have a big peepee like you?”
And I thought to myself *do all 25-year olds still talk like that?*
What did Willem Dafoe name his son?
So my son watches this kid’s pirate show and they say “Hey ho, let’s go!” all the time.
So I keep emphatically saying it with him in hopes he’ll start to say it to my ex-wife.
A father complains to his son about his mother:
“Whatever your mom is interested in, I’m completely turned off by it. On the other hand, whatever I’m interested in, she finds distasteful. I honestly forgot what I found in your mother” The son then promptly asks his father a question: “Ever heard of magnets?”