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A husband on a work trip when decides to call his wife at home…
A woman the husband doesn’t recognize picks up the phone. “Who is this?” asks the husband. “I’m the maid. I was hired yesterday,” says the maid. “Ah. Could you put my wife on the phone?” asks the husband “No, she’s busy having sex with someone in the room upstairs,” replies the maid. Enraged, the husband […]
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A Husband and Wife at Custody court…
A Husband and Wife at Custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife. Judge: “Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?” Ex wife: “I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him.” Judge: “That is a simple yet good reason.” Then the judge looks towards the […]
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Husband is watching a condom commercial
while he sits on the couch, and tells his wife: “If my penis was one inch longer, then I’d be a king”. His wife replies: “Honey, if it was one inch shorter then you’d be a queen instead”.
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A woman to her friend: “How did you meet your husband?”
“I was working at a pharmacy, he came in and asked for condoms, XXXXL size” “Wow, he must be well endowed.” “No, he has a stutter.”
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This is my grandmother’s favorite joke, keep in mind she was born in 1935 and I think she’s been telling this one since the ’60s. Picture a lady telling this with a real Borscht Belt Yiddish accent: “An old gay couple are sitting on a park bench when a husband and wife walk by arguing…”
One man turns to the other and says: “You know, these mixed marriages, they never work out.” Happy Pride! Love, Grandma
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A woman said to her husband: “I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls. What do you think it means?”
The man smiled and said: “You’ll know tonight.” That evening, the man came home with a small package which he gave to his wife. She embraced him, and then slowly and unwrapped the package. It contained a book entitled, The Meaning of Dreams.
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The husband leans over and asks his wife “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.” Yes, she says, “I remember it well.” OK, he says, “How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?” “Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a […]
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Husband came home drunk. …
…To avoid wife’s scolding, he took his laptop & started working. Wife: Did u drink? Husband : no Wife: Idiot, why are you typing on a suitcase!