Guy is sitting at the bar.
He keeps looking at his watch. Other Guy comes and says “Hey, why you drinking if you gotta be somewhere?” He says “No. I don’t have to be anywhere.” “Nice watch is it new?” “Yeah got it today.” “Where did you get it?” “My wife got it for me.” “So you really like it huh?” […]
A guy walks into a bar and asks the guy across from him why his hands were all over his face:
The guy across replies: “Because I am a clock you drunk fuck.”
I was once the only white guy in a Hispanic Beatles cover band.
I was on drums as Gringo Starr.
Did you hear about the guy cutting limbs off of fugitives??
He’s been accused arboring criminals…
Did you hear about the guy that dipped his balls in glitter?
Yeah, pretty nuts, right?
What’s the difference between a trans girl and a frat guy?
Ones a chick with a dick and the other’s a dick with a chick! (I’m trans I’m allowed to make these jokes)
How did the trans guy come out to his parents?
“There’s something that I really need to get off of my chest”
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the “no-bell” prize.
We should really thank the guy who invented Venetian blinds
Without him it would be curtains for us all.
Guy goes to the dentist
The dentist starts pulling a tooth out and the guy manages to barely stutter, “That’s not the tooth I want you to pull.” The dentist says, “Don’t worry son, we’ll get to that one slowly.”