just open your fucking mouth ;p
So there’s this old farmer whose really into Egyptian culture and one day he passes away.
It’s his redneck son’s job to bury him so he talks to his wife and says “honey I’m not sure what to do, do I bury or cremate my dad? I think I need a couple days to think about it”
Well a couple days go by and she goes outside and he’s giving oral sex to one of their geese and she says “what in the hell are you doing?!”
And he says “well dad always wanted one of those surc-off-a-gooses”
And the goose kept going “ANKH! ANKH!”
I think the “suck-off-a-gooses” line doesn’t make a lot of sense as it is. What is a suck-off-a-goose? Why would he suck off a goose to get one?
I’d revise to something like. “I asked my dad how he wanted to be buried. He said ‘suck-off-a-goose.’”
I’ve never heard that one before!
The closest “match” would be one of my favorite farm-themed jokes:
——
A wealthy urbanite decides – for some unexplained reason – that he wants to start a farm, so he heads out into the countryside to ask for his cousin’s help.
“The way I see it,” the man says, “I should probably start small. I’ll need a chicken and a rooster, and I’ll also need a donkey to haul my cultivator.”
The cousin scratches his chin as he listens to this. “Well, even before that,” he replies, “you’ll need to learn the lingo. Around these parts, you’d say ‘I need a pullet and a cock, plus an ass to haul my plow.’”
The man thanks his cousin for the lesson, then leaves to examine nearby farms. He comes limping back less than an hour later, looking like he has been beaten to within an inch of his life.
“What happened?!” the cousin exclaims. “Did you get thrown off a horse?!”
The man shakes his head. “I met a farmer with a broken cultivator attached to his donkey, and I wanted to make a neighborly first impression… but I tried to do some more research at the same time.”
“‘Research?’” the cousin repeats.
“Yeah,” the man replies. “So I walked over to the farmhouse and found his wife. I asked her ‘Hey, can I look at your husband’s cock and pullet?’ When she said no, I said ‘Well, at least let me give his ass a good plow!’”
well it’s certainly new…..
I’m sorry, but this immediately made me think of [this tweet](https://i.redd.it/zvcgf9jm4b121.jpg)
It’s a bit cryptic.
I have a very small, unimportant note: In the first sentence, change “whose” to “who’s” – to mean “who is.”
It looks like he blew a seal.
A red neck farmer who’s really into Egyptian culture is funny all by itself.
You might post this in r/jokeworkshop
Sorry nope.
“surc-off-a-goose”
Like sarcophagus??
Too lab-or-‘e-us…
For the first time in a farm joke, the Sheep are not nervous! Well done!
Did you know it’s rare to find a purse or shoulder bag in Egypt.
Totes uncommon
Good play on the Egyptian casket, sarcophagus.
I think the problem is sarcophagus just doesn’t sound close enough to “suck-off-a-goose”, if anything someone with a redneck/southern accent would over-pronounce the R sound and make them sound even less-alike. I commend the effort of making an original joke though!
This is a good one. But it’s what I would call a stretch
Nah.
Nice, I like it.
Now I am waiting for someone to post a link to a vaguely similar joke from 12 years ago.
Well, good news, you are definitely gonna improve on this joke as you write more…
j/k I’d remove the r from surc, it would be more redneck to say succ-offa-goose
Don’t think rednecks start their sentences with “honey I’m not sure what to do”……
Jus sayin :-
I don’t understand, can you help OP?
BY THE UNWINKING RED EYE OF RA!
The u-turn got the laugh for me. It’s just funny to abruptly mention that he’s suddenly outside fellating a goose.
Worst joke I ever heard.
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Meh!
… But what about his mummy?
Bro this is gold. It should be your goal to finalize this joke. “I want a sarcophagus” “I want to suck off a goose”. Lmao what the fuck. You have figured out the final piece, now you have to make the puzzle.
Did you know that this joke was actually made backwards. OP thought that sarcophagus sounded dirty then blamed half of it on his BIL.
Here’s one I came up with recently while crossing the road: Why do spies never seem to get to the other side of the road? Because they always double cross.
Did you hear about the redneck Egyptologist? He was very attracted to his mummy
I personally think it’s a little to contrived (also I never much liked those ‘this string of words sounds kind of like this other word’ jokes), but good on you for at least posting something original!
Please tell us you were drunk or high when you came up with this, because I imagine that would have been hilarious to watch.
If you don’t mind workshopping the joke a bit: the punchline isn’t as strong as it could be because you don’t introduce the redneck accent sooner. Throw in some r’s and drop some syllables throughout the joke, so that the surc-off-a-gooses seems more natural.
first draft: “honey? i ain’t sur’ should I be buryin’ me pops or cream-a-matin’ him. I needs me a coupler days to thinks ’bout it.” and “Jethro?! What in carnations you doin’ down there?!”
(my apologies to rednecks if I don’t have the accent right. but you get the idear.)
Fucking terrible, but its on-brand for hillbilly farmers so . . . .
This joke is so retarded, I cant stop thinking about it.
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