free joke here ;p

just open your fucking mouth ;p

English to become the official European language.

The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of “Euro-English”.
In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of the “k”, Which should klear up some konfusion and allow one key less on keyboards.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”, making words like “fotograf” 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e” is disgrasful.
By the fourth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and everivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI COM TRU!

21 responses to “English to become the official European language.”

  1. schnerfzick Avatar

    Man, this is so old it was mimeographed from office to office.

  2. Bingeljell Avatar

    Shouldn’t it be “KOM TRU” since we dropped the hard C in favour of K?

    This was not a German job. It wasn’t done thoroughly enough.

  3. ThePinkTeenager Avatar

    Congratulations: you changed written English from hard to spell to hard to read.

  4. citruscountydaddy Avatar

    Lmfao did anyone else start reading it in the voice of the main German son from beerfest towards the end?

  5. Bruh-Force Avatar

    this just looks like german

  6. KredeMexiah Avatar

    Zen, in ze end, vi vil al be speeking German, vitsh is vat evryvon vanted in ze first plas.

  7. Zuijd Avatar

    I’m so proud on myself for reading it all the way through xD

  8. BEFEMS Avatar

    I’m reading this in the accent of “Allo Allo”, using the different characters of the series. With of course Herr Gruber reading the last sentence.

  9. OptimusPhillip Avatar

    How does one spell changes if the letter C is abolished?

  10. TheAres1999 Avatar


    The boss told me to stop speaking German, so I turned English into German.

  11. upliv2 Avatar


  12. mlamat Avatar

    Kent vejt

  13. bleachedcoral4 Avatar

    i watkh f

  14. NotOficerP Avatar

    Oh no you became french

  15. Str8WhiteMinority Avatar

    I first saw this joke over 30 years ago. I shit you not

  16. Smooth_Detective Avatar

    Der Traum, wird endlich wahr.

  17. BlackPanther3104 Avatar

    Don’t know this one, but I still can tell two stuff about the joke:
    1. It’s from at least 2015 or older, before the Brexit. Possibly to the start of the EU.
    2. It must have been written by an English person making fun of a German person speaking.

  18. legalsexoffender Avatar

    POV: you’re the record holder for most dyslexic person ever

  19. Arkady2009 Avatar

    Anyone else find it easy to read the last few lines? For some reason I found it as easy as reading the first lines.

  20. zboot Avatar

    I thought the joke was that everyone would be speaking German. By definition, if you can speak and read a language, you will have little problems understanding other users despite how strange it may look to those who don’t speak it.

    This joke boils down to “Given four years to learn I’m just as dumb as if you gave me fourty seconds”.

  21. young_fire Avatar

    Acting like German doesn’t have double letters when they literally have a double S character

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