They are met at the gates by Satan, who offers them a choice: They can either go to American Hell or Russian Hell.

Both new arrivals are curious as to what the difference is, so Satan explains that in American Hell you are free to do whatever you want; you’ll find that we have all the finest amenities here in Hell, whatever your heart desires, you can find it here! However, you have to eat a shovel-full of Shit each morning, but then you’re free to do whatever you’d like.

Russian hell is basically the same, but you have to eat TWO shovels full of Shit before your start your day.

The American is quick to choose American hell, but is flabbergasted when the Russian chooses to go to Russian hell.

Several eons later the American bumps into the Russian and says “My Russian friend, Hell wasn’t what I thought at all! Every day I play a round of golf on a championship golf course. I hang out with my friends at an amazing social club until late in the afternoon. The brothel I go to has the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. Every night I have an incredible steak dinner at a Michelin Star restaurant. I honestly don’t mind eating the shovel-full of shit in the morning anymore. One thing has bothered me all this time though, why did you choose to go to Russian Hell? Was it mistake?

The Russian replies: “It was you who make the mistake Comrade. In Russian Hell, half the time there is no Shovel, and the other half the time there is no Shit.”