free joke here ;p

just open your fucking mouth ;p

A soviet joke about censorship that I found in my school book

An American tells a Russian that people in USA have the freedom of speech and that he even could go to the White House and shout:”Go to hell, Ronald Reagan!”

The russian answers:”Oh, we also have freedom of speech. I, too, can go to Kremlin and shout:” Go to hell, Ronald Reagan!”

38 responses to “A soviet joke about censorship that I found in my school book”

  1. Waitsfornoone Avatar

    Actually, Reagan told this joke himself.

  2. amitym Avatar

    Guy gets in line for bread and asks the guy ahead of him, “How long have you been waiting?”

    “I don’t know, I’ve lost track,” says the second guy. The first guy shrugs and figures he’ll wait too.

    Hours pass. Finally the first guy says, “I’ve had enough of this!”

    The second guy replies, “Sure, I understand, I’m sick of it too, but what can anyone do?”

    The first guy says, “Yes, yes, that is how these conversations always go, but this time it’s different, I’m so fed up, I am going to take action. I will go kill Gorbachev myself.”

    The second guy says worriedly, “Well… good luck and all, if you survive, come back and tell me how it went, okay?”

    He shakes his head to himself, thinking that is the last he will ever see of the first guy.

    But then, much to his surprise, the first guy comes back not too much later!

    “You’re back!” exclaims the second guy. “And so soon. I must admit, I am surprised. So what happened?”

    “Well,” says the first guy. “I went to kill Gorbachev, but when I got there, the line was even longer.”

  3. Takeoded Avatar

    have a video of Ronald Reagan himself telling this joke 🙂

  4. nnn_rrr Avatar

    Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

    The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

    After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.

    The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:

    “Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please.”

    His friends laugh on the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.

    After a good night’s rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.

    The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.

    The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.

    The receptionist responds:

    “Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke.”

  5. George4Mayor86 Avatar

    Three men are on the prison train headed to the Siberian gulag and get to chatting.

    The first man says, “I arrived ten minutes late to work, so the secret police accused me of slowing down productivity.”

    The second man says “I arrived ten minutes early to work, so the secret police accused me of plotting a sabotage.”

    The third man says “I got to work right on time, so they accused me of having a western watch.”

  6. clamberrypie Avatar

    Our Russian professor told this one:

    Comrade Stalin wakes and looks forward to another bright, Soviet day. Facing east, he greets the sun. “Good morning, Comrade Sun!”, he shouts.

    The Sun responds, “And a very good morning to you too, Comrade Stalin! I will do my best to feed the crops and warm the fields as Comrades work collectively to make Soviet Union farms the most productive in all the world!”

    In the evening, after another glorious Soviet day of labor, Comrade Stalin addresses the sun as it is setting. “Good evening, Comrade Sun! Thank you for your efforts to make the Soviet Union the greatest country on earth!”

    The sun responds, “I am in the West now. You can go fuck yourself.”

  7. gerarUP Avatar

    me: So, how was your stay in Moscow?

    my friend: you know… can’t complain

    me: So how come you came back so soon?

    my firend: because here, I CAN complain.

  8. piecwm Avatar

    In Soviet Russia you have freedom of speech. But in USA you have freedom even after the speech.

    -German Tour Guide

  9. franksymptoms Avatar

    Soviet-era humor was a real thing for awhile.

    2 dogs meet at the Czech-Polish border. One asks the other “Why are you going from Czechoslovakia into Poland?” “Because in Poland I can get real meat!” So why were you in Czechoslovakia to begin with?” “Because in Czechoslovakia, I can bark!”

  10. GhostHeavenWord Avatar

    There’s a saying about America and the Soviets.

    The Difference between Americans and Soviets is that the Soviets know they’re being lied to.

  11. grafknives Avatar

    It is not unlikely that it would get you arrested in todays Russia.

  12. Worried_Dot837 Avatar

    Gorbachev had issued a nationwide crackdown on speeding motorists. Punishment meant instant arrest and a jail term. “I don’t care if it’s the head of the KGB,” Gorbachev announced.

    A few days later, Gorbachev overslept at his country dacha and was about to miss an important meeting. After dressing, he told his driver that he would have to speed to make it on time.

    Gorbachev to driver: “I issued this order, and they just might stop you, so why don’t you move over and I’ll drive?”
    Watching Gorbachev sail down the road a few minutes later were two policemen, a veteran and a rookie.

    Veteran: “You go up to the car and tell those people they’re under arrest.”
    The rookie did so, but returned empty handed.

    Rookie: “We just can’t arrest those people.”
    Veteran: “Well, why not?”

    Rookie: “That man is just too important.”

    Veteran: “Well, he couldn’t be that important. Who in the world is he?”
    Rookie: “I don’t know who he is, but his driver is Gorbachev.”

  13. OhTheHueManatee Avatar

    “How do you like living in the USSR?” “I can’t complain.”

  14. KingStannisForever Avatar

    You should go and test it today. Inform us about the results please.

    Or delegate someone in case you are not able to after the testing phase is done.

  15. Aceticon Avatar

    In Capitalist America, Man Exploits Man, in Communist Russia it’s the other way around!

  16. walkerspider Avatar

    Reagan told lots of jokes. For instance trickle down economics

  17. Scorchx3000 Avatar

    It has been said that, given enough time, ten thousand monkeys with typewriters would probably eventually replicate the collected works of William Shakespeare. Sadly, when you are let loose with a computer and internet access, your work product does not necessarily compare favorably to the aforementioned monkeys with typewriters.

    *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Jokes) if you have any questions or concerns.*

    You know what else has been said, if a normal human posted this stupid site over and over again, we’d be banned, but make a bot an admin and spam is suddenly legal.

    I’ve saw this crap 5 times today alone. Maybe we could let ten thousand monkeys throw their feces at the nerd who programmed this fucking thing, reddit bots are annoying as he’ll and I wish they’d all get deleted.

  18. japanishinquisition Avatar

    In Soviet Russia, speech frees you from your life.

  19. TLunchFTW Avatar

    Hi. Welcome to a reddit thread. Please don’t mind the political comments. PLEASE do not respond to them. You’ll only make things work. Just scroll past them and laugh at the actual jokes

  20. TheWiseOne1234 Avatar

    Yes, very funny! this joke has been around for a while 🙂

  21. CeruleanRuin Avatar

    And he did!

  22. HRDBMW Avatar

    Ah, the good ol’ days when the POTUS wasn’t a Russian asset.

  23. Fyrrys Avatar

    If being loyal to the Russian government of the 1980s makes me a communist, then Soviet!

  24. gigis95 Avatar

    The worst captivity is when you live with the illusion you are free

  25. chattywww Avatar

    Some reason I think this joke is a repost

  26. supremixx Avatar

    Why do russians love pho? Because they Soviet

  27. Afnamets Avatar

    Really when you think about it the Russia have more free speech than the American. I don’t think an American could get all the way to the Kremlin and shout that.

  28. [deleted] Avatar


  29. OisforOwesome Avatar

    To be fair, Reagan was a monster.

  30. vegetabloid Avatar

    Another one hilarious Soviet joke: free housing, free education, free medicine, and zero unemployment. Unfortunately Americans won’t get it.

  31. FrankDrakman Avatar

    Just don’t do it on January 6.

  32. jwillisz Avatar

    I just checked. It worked!

    Ronald Reagan is in hell.

  33. almuqabala Avatar

    You don’t even realize the extent this has reached in modern Russia. Almost any discussion just a bit related to politics inevitably implies criticizing all things American. In many details, though always twisted and misunderstood, but any “smart” Russian can speak books about the U.S. Could be hysterical if it wasn’t so bloody.

  34. NoFunHere Avatar

    Reagan tells it much better.

  35. ElectricPaladin Avatar

    One thing almost all of us can all agree on: Ronald Reagan should go to hell.

  36. S_Berrett Avatar

    This is no joke, Reagan took their advice, did his job here, and now resides in Hell as a senior affable staff member.

  37. PhantomGamers Avatar

    Ya’ll don’t have freedom of speech, ya’ll just only say shit the establishment class of your countries wants you to.

  38. 0xAC-172 Avatar

    In America a bunch of nazis can attack Capitol Hill, how about that as a joke?

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