free joke here ;p

just open your fucking mouth ;p

A priest was approached one night by Satan himself.

“Do not be frightened,” said Satan. “I have an offer to make. I will make you tremendously powerful, famous and rich in return for just one small favour: half of your ability to hear.”

The priest was stunned. “Let me think about it for a few days.”

The next morning, the priest requested to meet the bishop. “Your Excellency, I need your advice for a temptation I have been given!” He told over his strange encounter. The bishop was shocked. “A deal with Satan?! Do not do it, it will destroy your soul!”

But he could see the priest was not convinced. So the bishop arranged a meeting with the archbishop.
“Your Excellency, this priest has an urgent matter he needs advice about!” He told over the story. The archbishop bowed his head in silent prayer, and after a few moments responded. “Firstly, your hearing is a gift from God. It would be forbidden to sacrifice any part of it. Secondly, a deal with Satan?!? Never do it!”

But the priest wasn’t convinced. He was imagining all the wealth, fame and power he’d receive. So the archbishop requested an audience with the Pope.

The three of them came into the Papal office in great awe. They sat, and the archbishop spoke. “Your Holiness, this priest has a terrible temptation and needs advice!”

“Sorry, could you speak a little louder?” Asked the Pope.

(Edit: To all the people who have taken the time to comment how you would have formatted the joke differently, thank you. Without you guys, I wouldn’t have written this edit.)

19 responses to “A priest was approached one night by Satan himself.”

  1. bystander007 Avatar

    Set the joke up so that the priest ends up whispering into the Pope’s ear, when he goes into whisper, the Pope says, “Whisper to my other ear, you’re on my bad side.”

  2. jeff_albertson_redux Avatar

    Nice, but where does Dave fit in in all this.

  3. [deleted] Avatar


  4. Gear3017 Avatar

    Needs better punchline:

    “Your Holiness, this priest has a terrible temptation and needs advice!”

    “Sorry about your vacation, and I don’t have any rice!”

  5. ibaralgin Avatar

    The three of them came into the Papal office in great awe. They sat, and the archbishop spoke. “Your Holiness, this priest has a terrible temptation and needs advice!”

    “Could you give us the room, please” the Pope said to the cardinals, and so they did.

    “So, haven’t you decided yet?” Asked the Pope.

  6. RLYoshi Avatar

    It baffles me that people are complaining about the punchline. “The Pope’s old, it makes sense he’d be hard of hearing.” You got the joke, right? That’s all that matters. If you’re gonna complain about realism in a joke, maybe focus first on the idea of Satan approaching people wanting half their hearing.

  7. chantycar Avatar

    I thought it was Paypal office…

  8. hoosyourdaddyo Avatar

    nice joke, but could have a better punch line…


    have them go to the Pope, sit down at his side, go into great detail about their dilemma, then the Pope will pull his head up, as if from deep, contemplative prayer, and he smiles at them all and says “Oh, I’m sorry, that’s my bad ear- lost all hearing in it about 40 years ago…”

  9. derkakd26 Avatar

    I knew where this was going

  10. contacts_eyes Avatar

    I saw that punchline coming a mile away, good joke nonetheless

  11. Odinroars1 Avatar

    Jokes that are closer to truth….sigh

  12. _ultimate99 Avatar

    That was great but could be better with the last line.

  13. uglypaperhaver Avatar

    Anyone who didn’t see that coming from a *mile away,* please go and stand in the corner for a time-out…

  14. AlGunner Avatar

    Another joke that was so obvious that its not funny just being used to have a go at religious people and call them hypocrites. I wouldnt mind if it was funny.

  15. uglypaperhaver Avatar

    “Sorry but could you speak into my *other* ear, my *non-deaf* ear? Not that I am a Satan-dealing hypocrite or anything… Now, what did you folks want to tell me?”

  16. nuclearzzet Avatar


  17. reddituser_05 Avatar

    I could smell that punchline a mile away.

  18. Silent_Cheesecake354 Avatar

    Satan is evil never do it

  19. Chibibowa Avatar

    Nice try, but I’m a shadow priest and I only serve the Old Gods, N’Zoth being my true master.

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