free joke here ;p

just open your fucking mouth ;p

A new monk arrives at the monastery

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned the task of helping the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.”

So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what’s wrong.

“You fuckers”, he says, with anger and sadness in his eyes, “the word was celebrate!”

28 responses to “A new monk arrives at the monastery”

  1. littlebopeepsvelcro Avatar

    Got a laugh out of my wife. Good shit.

  2. Dirty-Soul Avatar

    “We all knew.” Said the rest of the monks.

    “WHAT?” came the reply.

    “We would’ve told you… But you’re not a monk.”

    (Just to dovetail in with another popular monk joke.)

  3. Mikesaidit36 Avatar

    OK, but in what sentence does both “celebrate” as a verb work while “celibate” as an adjective also works?

  4. Spritetm Avatar

    A man enters a monastery, talks to the head monk guy, says he want to join. Okay, says the head monk, but we have a rule: unless you’re the head monk, you’re only allowed to say one sentence per year, on new years day. OK, says the guy, I can do that.

    First new years day comes around, and all the monks gather to say their sentences. Most of them are about enlightenment and the grace of god, but when it is our protagonists turn, his lips utter ‘The food is a bit salty’.

    One year comes and goes and it’s new years again. Again, all the monks gather, and this year, the sentence that the guy has had a year to think about is spoken: ‘The chairs could be softer’.

    Another year comes and goes. It was a leap year, so our guy has had an extra day to think about what he’s going to say. This time, it’s serious: ‘I want to leave.’

    ‘I can entirely understand’, says the head monk, ‘in all the time you’ve been here, I’ve heard nothing but complaints from you.’

  5. skribsbb Avatar

    A man goes to his doctor for his yearly physical, and tells the doctor something that’s been on his mind. “Doc, I want to be castrated.”

    “What?! Why?”

    “It’s just something I feel really strongly about.”

    “Not just no, but hell no! Unless you have a good medical reason, I’m not going to do that!”

    “It’s what I want, and unless you will help me, I’ll go find another doctor!”

    “Fine. Fine. I’ll get you in next week.”

    Next week comes, and the man goes to have the procedure done. He gets in the elevator to head back down to the parking lot. He’s holding a drip cloth in the obvious place. Another man gets in the elevator, also holding a drip cloth.

    “What did you have done?” he asks the other man.

    “I’m 30 years old, and I felt it was high time I got circumcised.”

    “CRAP!!! That’s the word I was looking for!”

  6. metti-021 Avatar

    Can someone be kind enough to explain this please?

  7. nimbutimbu Avatar

    The best punchline I have heard for this joke is “They forgot the R”

  8. PolyJuicedRedHead Avatar

    Cool story, Brother Maynard.

  9. Svenray Avatar

    The monk also always forgot to wear his robe. It was a bad Habit.

  10. Meowcate Avatar

    My version was :

    “CHARITY ! It was a vow of charity, not of chastity !”

  11. nordic-cidron Avatar

    Guys, guys, it’s a joke. No need to fact-check it.

  12. gamehawk0704 Avatar

    This was posted like 2 days ago

  13. Nimelennar Avatar

    Why is he blaming **them**? He probably copied the same texts in his youth and transcribed the same mistake.

    Had he been as clever as the new monk, he would have caught the error himself.

  14. MegTheMad Avatar

    An actual new joke on Reddit? This is one I’ve not heard before. Have some karma.

  15. luckyclover Avatar

    So celibate. Much monk.

  16. JDFLNaples Avatar


  17. uptbbs Avatar

    *”… so we should be celebrate?”*

  18. ReadinII Avatar

    OP, your joke will work better if the new monk doesn’t find the error until he’s been there a couple decades.

  19. Acceleratio Avatar

    Damn this one is untranslatable

  20. CySnark Avatar

    Good thing they didn’t look up the Sow of Violence

  21. Gaeleng Avatar

    Celibate Good Time, Come on. ~No one ever.

  22. shuckster Avatar

    In retrospect, having “purple monkey dishwasher” at the end of each verse might have given it away.

  23. monkeyhind Avatar

    Old joke, but adding “fuckers” to the punchline really gives it that modern zing!

  24. amrahsidana Avatar

    OK, so misinformation isn’t new.

  25. Crafty-Bedroom8190 Avatar

    Celibate was supposed to be “celebrate”, right?

  26. oksnoot Avatar

    I don’t get it? Sorry

  27. Kobylike Avatar

    He’s been starving for sex like centuries ??

  28. adviceKiwi Avatar

    Good one

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