free joke here ;p

just open your fucking mouth ;p

A man and a woman have been married for almost a decade

And every night they would have the most amazing passionate sex you can imagine. Multiple rounds, multiple orgasms, the whole nine yards. Eventually they start fighting about little things and it builds until both are fed up and want a divorce. The woman goes off and she has sex with different men but none can compare to what her ex husband gave her. She finally gives up and goes to a sex shop determined to find a solution and explains her situation to the cashier. The cashier claps her hands together

“We have exactly what you need! It just came in, but I’m going to warn you! It’s extremely expensive but worth it!”

The woman follows the cashier into the back room and sees her grabs a small box off the shelf and place it on the table before pulling the lid off. Inside was a 1 inch long dildo.

“how the hell is that supposed to help me?” The woman demanded

“Hold on! It’s the latest technology. You pull down your skirt and panties, say ‘Dick my pussy’ and just stay still. This is the test model they sent us if you want to try.”

The woman is skeptical but interested and proceeds to strip her bottom half and said the words and it jumped up, grew to an enormous size and starts fucking the hell out of her. A thousand times better than her ex husband ever gave her, she’s climbing the walls. She yells to the cashier;

“I’ll take it! I don’t care how much it costs! How do I make it stop??”

The cashier tells her “just say ‘Dick stop’”

She says it and the dildo pulled out, shrunk back down, hit the floor and rolled. She emptied out her bank account for this thing and had just enough left for the bus ride home. She’s in the back of the bus with her little package and eventually it empties out to where it was just her and the bus driver. She started getting impatient as she had at least 15 min to get home and peeks at the bus driver to make sure he wasn’t paying attention before discreetly pulling her skirt and panties off and pulling out the dildo. She whispered the words and it jumped up, grew, and did it’s job. The back of the bus started to bounce and the bus driver pulls over thinking he has a flat. She notices what’s happening and panics whispering “dick stop! Dick stop!” It pulled out, shrunk back down and rolled to the front of the bus. She rushes after it and it came to a stop at the bus drivers boot. He looked down, looked back at her and asked;

“What in the hell is that?”

“That’s dick!” She replied

“Dick my ass!”

TL;DR The bus driver got fucked in the ass


3 responses to “A man and a woman have been married for almost a decade”

  1. SillyCubensis Avatar

    Sir, I congratulate you.

    You have managed to take an ancient joke, that wasn’t particularly funny to begin with, and completely fuck up both the delivery and the punchline.

    Truly an epic feat of dumbassery.

  2. Ok_Abies9257 Avatar

    Wtf did I just read ??

  3. onairmastering Avatar

    A joke is like a frog, when you dissect it, it dies. Great job, OP.

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