just open your fucking mouth ;p
The cucumber says, “my life sucks. I get left in the garden until I’m huge. Then cut into pieces and put in a salad.” The pickle says, “That’s nothing! I get to sit in a jar with vinegar till I get swollen. Then I get eaten.” The penis laughs and says, ” When I get huge, they throw a bag over my head and shove me into a dark wet place and bang my head against a wall till I throw up and pass out!”
Excuse the formatting, on mobile.
Version of this joke i heard when i was a kid:
three penises were talking to each other about how their owners treated them.
the first penis said,”my master’s nice to me. he cleans me and grooms me everyday.”
the second penis said,”my master’s nice to me, too. he plays with me all the time.”
the third penis said,”my master’s mean to me! he shoves me into a big hairy hole and makes me do push ups ’til i throw up!”
Me: How much for the goth cucumber?
Clerk: That’s a cactus…
Pickles are just zombie cucumbers.
“Bang my head against a wall”? Look who’s bragging about not being a micro penis.
Not to mention his neighbor is an @$$hole
Also, every single time he stands up for himself, he usually gets beaten up.
And I’m the one that has to pay for it.
Cucumber : “Yea, been there! “
Cucumber and Pickle – Yeah dude, same.
I was literally just thinking about this joke like a few hours before I saw this post.
Two penis’ are walking through town on a night out. They walk past a gay bar, one turns to the other and says
“Fancy going in and getting shit faced”
Then they quietly pass by a coconut that is sobbing to itself.
And the worst part, my neighbors are nuts!
Literally the first dirty joke I ever heard
I mean… they all get swallowed.
Some cucumbers live the life of a penis and then die like cucumbers.
I though the cucumber was going to say to the penis:
“Oh shit, they do that to me sometimes too”
[My](https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/k1pxtn/a_cucumber_a_pickle_and_a_penis_are_talking/) favorite joke to tell.
Well now that I know this shit about dicks it gives me more motivation to start nofap
I don’t even know if this was funny. “Excuse the formatting, on mobile” killed the punchline.
Why apologize, what was wrong with the formatting? Are you talking about skipping on paragraph breaks? But you’re able to add breaks on mobile, and you did in fact add one.
Not personal against OP but who on. Earth upvotes this sort of stupid ‘joke’?
Enhanced cucumbers
Who the hell uses cucumbers like that
But don’t get eaten? That sucks… or not.
This joke won my friend a t-shirt at a bar in 1997.
I heard this joke 15 years ago when I was in middle school
r/foundthemobileuser
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