free joke here ;p

just open your fucking mouth ;p

A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were talking about how horrible their lives are…

The cucumber says, “my life sucks. I get left in the garden until I’m huge. Then cut into pieces and put in a salad.” The pickle says, “That’s nothing! I get to sit in a jar with vinegar till I get swollen. Then I get eaten.” The penis laughs and says, ” When I get huge, they throw a bag over my head and shove me into a dark wet place and bang my head against a wall till I throw up and pass out!”

Excuse the formatting, on mobile.

27 responses to “A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were talking about how horrible their lives are…”

  1. EsotericAbstractIdea Avatar

    Version of this joke i heard when i was a kid:

    three penises were talking to each other about how their owners treated them.

    the first penis said,”my master’s nice to me. he cleans me and grooms me everyday.”

    the second penis said,”my master’s nice to me, too. he plays with me all the time.”

    the third penis said,”my master’s mean to me! he shoves me into a big hairy hole and makes me do push ups ’til i throw up!”

  2. Punkhair2Nv__13 Avatar

    Me: How much for the goth cucumber?
    Clerk: That’s a cactus…

  3. makesyoudownvote Avatar

    Pickles are just zombie cucumbers.

  4. I_Heart_Grool Avatar

    “Bang my head against a wall”? Look who’s bragging about not being a micro penis.

  5. Equivalent_Spend_446 Avatar

    Not to mention his neighbor is an @$$hole

  6. bluesheepreasoning Avatar

    Also, every single time he stands up for himself, he usually gets beaten up.

  7. greedydita Avatar

    And I’m the one that has to pay for it.

  8. amrahsidana Avatar

    Cucumber : “Yea, been there! “

  9. FightKwando Avatar

    Cucumber and Pickle – Yeah dude, same.

  10. FizzySpew Avatar

    I was literally just thinking about this joke like a few hours before I saw this post.

  11. Chiefnobby Avatar

    Two penis’ are walking through town on a night out. They walk past a gay bar, one turns to the other and says

    “Fancy going in and getting shit faced”

  12. alfalfasprouts Avatar

    Then they quietly pass by a coconut that is sobbing to itself.

  13. ohyoudonthavetherite Avatar

    And the worst part, my neighbors are nuts!

  14. drawnred Avatar

    Literally the first dirty joke I ever heard

  15. JoeChill08 Avatar

    I mean… they all get swallowed.

  16. Ghaladh Avatar

    Some cucumbers live the life of a penis and then die like cucumbers.

  17. PugdMC Avatar

    I though the cucumber was going to say to the penis:

    “Oh shit, they do that to me sometimes too”

  18. TheFidgetSpinner922 Avatar

    Well now that I know this shit about dicks it gives me more motivation to start nofap

  19. WrongSubFools Avatar

    I don’t even know if this was funny. “Excuse the formatting, on mobile” killed the punchline.

    Why apologize, what was wrong with the formatting? Are you talking about skipping on paragraph breaks? But you’re able to add breaks on mobile, and you did in fact add one.

  20. gthrees Avatar

    Not personal against OP but who on. Earth upvotes this sort of stupid ‘joke’?

  21. batkins189j Avatar

    Enhanced cucumbers

  22. Basil_9 Avatar

    Who the hell uses cucumbers like that

  23. uglypaperhaver Avatar

    But don’t get eaten? That sucks… or not.

  24. JCNunny Avatar

    This joke won my friend a t-shirt at a bar in 1997.

  25. goldendreamseeker Avatar

    I heard this joke 15 years ago when I was in middle school

  26. bluedragonbot12 Avatar


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *